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2004-03-23 - NICE MAN IN THE TUXEDO

got a fever-pitched request for the cat-und-rat story, so here 'tis...

had noticed rat droppings out on the balcony by sam-the-cat's food dish. no fuckin' way. we are talking a 3 story high balcony here.

with righteous indignation we spent hours during the evening "rat proofing" the balcony with wire mesh that the hardware store sold me. brian hung dangerously over the edge of our balcony to trim the branches of a saintly old oak tree. we thot- get those tendril branches farther away from the balcony. did a ceremonial cleansing of the balcony. enuff, said we.

finally, in an act of dominion, i took sam's food dish into the apartment, so that the snack bar would be CLOSED.

now, during all this installation and purification work, we were letting snippy comments fly about sam-the-cat. that he invited the rat in. that he was scared of the rat. we thought that the rat might say, 'Oh that nice cat in the tuxedo sat me right down and gave me excellent service!" sam as a classy waiter ushering the rat in for a great "a fresco" dining experience.

merciless teasing, i tell you.

bedtime. then- pitch black o' nite- 2:30 a.m. to be precise. deep sleeping phase. fractured with emerging concerns over rustles and thumps and such. keep ignoring it, say i.

mancub gets up, so mancub will take care of it. lull back into laladom.

"oh my god".

now i'm up. now getting up is a necessity. lights on and- - - dead rat. RAT. no kidding- RAT.

DEAD RAT. IN OUR APARTMENT.

no blood, no marks of a struggle on the rat or sam. rat was a bit limp and flat-ish. uggg.

did sam bring rat in? or did rat come through the kitty door? if sam brought rat in, was rat already dead or still alive? if rat came in through the kitty door by his-bad-ass-self (ooooo, we don't like the thought of this...) then when did sam attack rat? was that what all that thumping was about? or was sam tossing around a dead rat? if rat came in itself through the kitty door has rat been in the apartment for a WHOLE DAY????(OOOOO, WE REALLY DON'T LIKE THE THOUGHT OF THIS!!!!!)

stop going mad. calm down.

SO, 2:30 a.m. like a patient with one of those psychological hand-washing disorders... bleach water wash on the counters and floors, steam cleaning the carpet, throwing out the cat food, inspecting apartment for turds... VERY LITTLE SLEEP THAT NITE.

and somebody, i won't say who, had a cheshire grin on his furry face...

before - after
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