our landlord just replaced the entire toilet for unsavory reasons that need not be mentioned...

and he said "don't use this til' the sealant sets up". okay.

he leaves and SUDDENLY MUST GO REALLY BAD. number one... so am vacilating regarding hovering over the toilet to go.

we possess the total recognition that this is PSYCHOLOGICAL. just because we can't, we feel the need to. surely only a dribble would come out, making the whole thing more silly than we care to share!

so why does the body go there? recall when we were really poor with little hope of any quick solution being HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. had food. just worried about no food=hungryallth'time. no basis for the reaction.

maybe this served the cave-dwelling ancestors well, but not now.

so writing this, fixated on the toilet setting up, feeling silly and a bit miserable.

went and looked at the toilet... doesn't look "set-up" yet.

now feel thirsty. great.

not very good at going-without.

just like my cat sam. if the food cannister gets 3/4 empty, he starts to mildly holler. and it amplifies each successive snack time. if the cannister gets totally empty, he will run past your feet like a football tackling maneuver. he knows potential famine is a clear and present danger.

today is a very tired day. might have a time tonight alone, which might serve well. may write more later.

and of course, will get to pee later!