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2003-06-11 - SELF-REFERENCING BITCH

hedonistic lifestyle.

thinkin' about it.

the norm is all nice. be niiiice. who can be the nicest? who's nice. popular=nice. give, give, give in a girlygivey kinda way.

what's so great about nice?

i recall being in a 12-step meeting once, and this "over-the-top" gal who was always bigger than life, who was not a typical woman, who was a bit outragious... said that she would rather be herself than be right.

i have made a hobby out of trying to be right... tho frankly, i suck at it! resigning to being the flawed individual that i am and going for it whole-assed may be a better tactic. if what you are doing isn't working for you--- try the opposite.

so tonite is not about taking care of anybody else. tonite IS about trying to shake off guilt from the sucky day at work with all the conflicts. feel terrible about being not-so-nice, but choking it down with a margarita might help.

doing art might help. art about ME.

can i dig a creative bone out of the graveyard of good intentions? really has been a long time since i did any real progression of creative activity.

but i do get to be home alone for a bit tonite! TA DA!

have little to offer. brain is numb. because i was trying to be nice all day. sucked at it, but was trying.

i am getting nowhere fast! will try....

before - after
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